If It Means A Lot To You
by IcarusWing
Summary: After the Revolutionary War, England is left with a broken heart. When he encounters America years later on the Fourth of July, can their relationship be repaired? Threeshot songfic. Companion to What It Means To Be Free. No pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: And here's the companion to What It Means To Be Free. The first chapter is set directly after the war, in England. I don't own Hetalia, and the song is In The End by Linkin Park.**

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"_From now on, consider me independent!"_

"_I won't allow it!"_

**ooo**

_It starts with_

_One thing_

_I don't know why_

_It doesn't even matter how hard you try_

Each step was more painful than the last.

England was covered in wounds, so many that a normal person would be incapacitated, but he walked on, up the front path, past the long dead flowers of his front garden. What had once swelled with a rainbow of colorful blooms was now filled with shriveled brown carcasses that were slowly dissolving in the never ending rain.

His hand fumbled with the key as he inserted it into the door knob and let himself in. Once upon a time, the door would have been opened by a smiling servant and he'd be greeted by a cheerful household, the dreary atmosphere outside at odds with the fire crackling in the hearth and the smell of freshly baked scones from the kitchen.

Instead, he was greeted by silence.

_Keep that in mind_

_I designed this rhyme _

_To explain in due time_

His footsteps echoed in the empty hallway as he slowly shut the door, not bothering to lock it behind him.

For a while, he just stood there. Waiting. For what, he didn't know. For the sound of running feet and ringing laughter? To wake up in his bed and realize that this was all a dream, and that his little boy was still here with him?

_All I know_

He felt so hollow…

_Time is a valuable thing_

_Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings_

He ascended the staircase, feet dragging. Step after step after step, before he reached the landing, and turned the brass knob of the mahogany door to his right, letting himself into a perfectly preserved bedroom.

_Watch it count down to the end of the day_

_The clock ticks life away_

It was a child's room, with a small bed and desk, a wardrobe, and a large chest to hold toys. It had a beautiful view of the courtyard in the back, a stone affair surrounded by rose bushes. He remembered the afternoons spent, drinking tea in the sun and hunting fairies only one of them could see…

It felt like only yesterday.

_It's so unreal_

Where had he gone wrong?

_Didn't look out below_

_Watch the time go right out the window_

He sat down on the bed, and dust rose in a small cloud from the covers. It had been so long since he had lived in this room…

America.

His younger brother, his darling little boy.

He wasn't so little anymore.

_I tried to hold on_

_But didn't even know_

He reached over and picked up the stuffed bunny that had been resting on the pillow. The first toy he had ever made for him. The only thing that had been left behind when he stormed out without even saying goodbye.

_I wasted it all_

He pressed it to his face, taking in the familiar lingering scent as he tried not to soil it with any of the blood or dirt that still covered him. He hugged it tightly to his chest, trying to stop the ache that filled the empty place in his heart. As he stared at the floor, he saw a face instead. Gazing down at him as it stared at the ruin of the man it once knew.

Expressionless.

_Just to watch you go_

He hadn't cared. He'd never cared.

But he was all England had.

_I kept everything inside_

_And even though I tried_

_It all fell apart_

And now he was gone forever.

_What it meant to me_

_Will eventually be a memory_

Never to return.

_Of a time I_

_Tried so hard_

_And got so far_

It was finally beginning to sink it. He was alone again, all alone in this big house. His other brothers hated him, and his other colonies lived half a world away so they could manage business. Even though everyone had left him, England had always thought that America would be different. That he would stay.

_In the end _

_It doesn't even matter _

Apparently, he'd been wrong.

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

He was lonely once again.

_In the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

` He lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, still holding the toy to his chest.

_I put my trust in you_

_Pushed as far as I can go_

America…

_For all this_

_There's only one thing you should know_

He missed him so much.

_I put my trust in you_

_Pushed as far as I can go_

England had given him his whole heart…

_For all this_

_There's only one thing you should know_

And he'd shattered it.

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

He was going to stay in that room for a long time, immersed in his presence, reliving the happier memories.

_In the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

They had been so happy…

_I had to fall _

_To lose it all_

He wanted to cry himself to sleep, to let it all out, but his eyes remained dry.

_In the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

He had no tears left.

**Omake **

Though the sun was baking the earth outside, India's parlor was quite cool. She was relaxing on a long couch, eating murukku and reading a book. It was nice to have a day off, away from the world of business and politics. Her boss had been so insistent lately, too, and she'd been in a meeting every day for the past week. Her break was well deserved.

A knock came from the enormous doors to her left, and she sat up, adjusting her light pink sari. She hadn't been expecting company, and she had ordered the servants not to interrupt her for anything but the most urgent of matters. However, curiosity bested her annoyance. "You may enter.

A servant opened the doors, leading a foreign man in and bowing to her before he left. "England!" she exclaimed, standing and offering him a chair, despite her confusion. "I hadn't been expecting you for another month at least."

As he sat, India noticed he winced slightly. He was thinner than he used to be, too, and his eyes lacked… something.

"I… had some time, so I thought I'd come see you," he said, smiling. It looked forced. He was paler than usual, she noticed. Maybe it was the white suit, instead of his usual black or brown.

"Is… everything okay?" she asked, hesitant. She didn't want to broach on a touchy subject, after all.

"Oh, everything's fine, fine. Terribly rainy in my country, you know. The sun is nice." His laugh was definitely forced this time, and his eyes remained empty.

India frowned, slightly concerned, but then she smiled. "I'll ring for some tea," she said. If he was going to stay with her, then she could get him better in no time. There was nothing a little sun and spice couldn't cure, was there?

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**A/N: I have no idea what India's like, so... XD I know England's house probably wouldn't have been so empty if I had written this historically accurate, but I felt that the description of the house before America left versus after showed how England himself was feeling at those two points. Yup. So I hope you enjoyed. Review~  
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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's chapter two! I wanted to post it yesterday, but... Well, in any case, I don't own Hetalia, and the song is Yesterday Feelings by The Used.**

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"_Let's go home."_

"_Okay!"_

**ooo**

The sun was just beginning to set as England climbed the worn path up to the hill top, where a lone tree sat. A tire swing hung from an ancient limb, swaying gently in the summer breeze. When he reached the top, he stood for a moment to admire the stunning view of a glowing ocean, before setting his picnic basket at his feet and sitting against the wizened trunk.

_Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind_

_Where worries are washed out to sea_

He'd always loved this time of day. It was a blissful in between time, the time to wind down and release the stress of a busy day and prepare for the noise of a busy night. It wasn't quite light, but it wasn't exactly dark, either. It was in between.

Perfect.

_See the changes_

_People's faces blurred out_

_Like sunspots or raindrops _

He sighed, loosening his tie and removing the top of the hamper. He'd filled it with light foods, things he didn't actually need to _cook. _He always felt too sick to eat at this time of the year, but cucumber sandwiches wouldn't upset his stomach. He took a tentative bite and stared down at the water half a mile away, letting his mind wander as images flickered behind his eyes and projected them onto the scene before him.

He'd taught America how to swim at the same beach. It had taken an hour to get the tearful child to release his arm and actually go in the water, and another to get him to float without assistance. He'd finally gotten the hang of it, though, and decided to go play with the "big fishy" with bigger teeth two miles off shore. England smiled at the memory.

_Now all those feelings_

_Those yesterday's feelings _

_Have all been lost in time_

He looked away and shut his eyes, not noticing that he'd set his half eaten sandwich down in his lap. Those had been the days, hadn't they? The breeze was playing with his hair, and it felt like America's little fingers tugging at it as he demanded to be released so he could go play with his newest dangerous friend.

_But today I've wasted away_

'_Cause today is on my mind_

England had seen him just last week. He was so tall now… and still eating those infernal hamburgers. It was nothing short of a miracle that he hadn't died of a heart attack all ready, really.

_Left the only worries I had in my hands_

_Away from the light in my eyes_

He really should stop butting into the business of other countries, too. One day, he was going to go too far, and not be able to deal with the consequences. He was always putting himself in needlessly risky situations.

_Holding tight and try not to hide how I feel _

'_Cause feelings mean nothing _

Always making him worry…

_Now all those feelings_

_Those yesterday's feelings_

_Have all been lost in time_

Stupid America…

_But today I've wasted away_

'_Cause today is on my mind_

He clutched his knees to his chest, squishing his sandwich as he tried to fight the all too familiar build up in throat, the sting in his eyes. _No. Not this time. I swore I wouldn't._

_I can't care to worry_

_I'm feeling so lonely_

His gaze moved back to the tire swing, and he could see America, holding his arms out like a bird, laughing as cried, _"Push me higher! Higher!"_

The first tears escaped his eyes and slipped down his cheeks, and a sob broke through his lips. "D-Damnit, England," he choked, rubbing at his cheek angrily. "You s-swore you wouldn't c-cry this t-time…"

_Breaking apart all this love in my heart_

He buried his face in his knees, trying to control himself, but it was to no avail. _This happens every bloody year…_

_Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind_

_Where feelings mean nothing_

He unfurled himself, and reached into his picnic basket, retrieving a glossy piece of paper and a lighter. He stared at the former for a long moment. It was a picture, a picture of him and America. It had been taken about a year ago, when America had dragged him, despite his protests, into a photo booth and squished their faces together as he smiled for the camera. He was smiling happily while England was frowning as he tried to escape from the small space.

He gazed at it a moment longer, before setting it on fire.

_Now all those feelings_

_Those yesterday's feelings_

_Have all been lost in time_

As it burned, the ashes were blown away by the breeze, spiraling through the steadily darkening air, up towards the stars that were slowly revealing themselves. More tears slid down his cheeks, but he was silent this time as he watched the photo burn into nothingness, not releasing it even when the flame licked his fingertips.

_But today I've wasted away _

'_Cause today is on my mind_

When it was all gone, he lay down on his back, hugging himself tightly. The stars were all out now, and through his tears, he could see the shape of America as he'd first seen him, running through the constellations.

_Today is on my mind_

Running away.

_I can't care to worry_

_I'm feeling so lonely_

Why did everyone always leave him?

_Breaking apart all this love in my heart_

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**A/N: Yes. I was feeling extremely lazy when I wrote this. XD The picture I mentioned is my profile picture, by the way. Kudos to whoever drew it... The next chapter should be out later today, as it's only 3:20 am where I am now. Review~**


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